But Why?

Why is it always like this? I always tried my best for giving the best for this relationship. Am I not giving enough? What should I give to satisfy you? Why'd you keep comparing your life with others, when they take anything for granted from their partner? Why tho? 

By the time you comparing yourself, indirectly you are comparing me, don't you realize that?

It's not I am judging you, but the situation is simply an implication. Never had I ever, thought about who you are, but the way we discuss something especially this, always intriguing me. Never failed me to be overthinking, because it is, giving me vibes about "not being enough/ not giving enough to you"

Sorry for not being a perfect boyfriend. Hope you could understand what I am feeling, even tho I am not gonna sharing this to you, at all.

Let the time decide whats gonna happen to it. 

Remember I always love you, and never expecting anything from you, except love and care and all compassion you used to give ♥️

Selamat hari Ayah!


Tentang Hari Ayah

Ketahuilah, seberapapun aku benci dengan keluarga ini, akan ada 1 orang penyabar yang selalu mengingatkan. Dan itu adalah ayahku. Orangnya lembut, ngga pernah marah sama sekali. Wataknya hampir 180 derajat dari Mamak. Iya, mamak kami dulu super kejam dan ditakuti. Jika saja beliau masih hidup, mungkin keluarga ini akan menjadi sangat sempurna.

Kenapa? Sosok mamak yang sangat demanding, anaknya harus A, harus B, dan harus C pastilah akan lengkap dengan sosok Ayah yang lemah lembut dan super supportive. Sayang sekali, sosok yang ditakut-takuti itu pergi duluan, hinggalah kami ditinggalkan dengan Ayah, yang super lembut tadi.

Alhasil? Well, simple. Hasil tes BK waktu di ITB tidak bohong. Hasil menunjukkan kalau aku dulu masih super ga mandiri. Takut kesana, takut kesini, walaupun anaknya partentengan, tapi kalau urusan ngomong sama orang pasti jipernya ga karuan. "Kenapa? Malu? Ar ar, apa yang kau malukan?" Ejek ayahku waktu dulu.

Alhamdulillah, hasil keluar dan aku tahu. Anaknya pun memutuskan untuk berubah, menjadi lebih mandiri dan sebisa mungkin untuk ngga manja sama Ayah. Semester tiap semester, ketika aku udah beradaptasi dengan cara belajarnya anak-anak Jawa, menemukan "click"nya, dan hobby mencoba sana-sini. Waktu mulai di-manage, uang apalagi. Kuliah bela2in masuk Asrama supaya hidup super murah. Alhamdulillah juga bisa belajar organisasi sana-sini.

"Udah mulai mandiri" pungkasku.

Hingga semester 6 pun datang tak terbendung, mendapat cobaan anggota kelompok yang luar biasa "menguji coba", intensitasku menelfon ayah pun naik! Awalnya seminggu sekali, jadi 2 hari sekali. Sering nangis, sering curhat, dan lagi-lagi ayah cuman bisa bilang "Semangat, ayah pasti akan selalu mendoakanmu disini. Udah makan kau? Kau jaga kesehatanmu yah. Gausah kau paksa kali supaya dapat nilai bagus. Yang penting kau sehat."

Iya. Si tua bangka yang super cuek ini bisa se-supportive itu. Haduh. Kalau difikir-fikir, kalo ga ada Ayah, suicidal thought gue mungkin bisa ga terbendungi. Ayah ini luar biasa. Kasih sayang dia jelas sepanjang masa :( Sayang banget, ga semua anaknya belum bisa se-supportive itu. Bahkan aku, yang masih belum jadi apa-apa.

Ayah, panjang umurlah! Doakan anakmu di perantauan ini .... Aku menunda urusan cinta bukan karena apa-apa, karena engkau loh Ayah! Saat ini fokusku hanya untukmu, untukmu, untukmu, barulah adik-adikku.

Selamat hari Ayah!



My Passion and Perseverance Score


Hai everyone!

Tonight I am going to share to you about my current passion and perseverance score that I received from Grit Book.

Just for your info, I am currently reading Grit from Angela Duckworth books about Passion and Perseverance itself. Why? Because this was recommended by mas Iman Usman, as CPO of Ruangguru when he was talking about the entrepreneurship, I asked him how to have growth minded and he told me to read this book (ok, I am sold).

Baiq. So far, I have read 4 chapters in the last 2 days, and I am just ...... this book is just so breath-taking. Some of the story is relatable, some of them had perseverance and passion to the next level. As someone who's believe in having growth minded, I am definitely #TeamEffort rather than #TeamGenius. However, as far as I didn't choose Genius wins, me myself and I sometimes had this bias that someone just born to be that talented or genius, without seeing from another persective which is the full story of them.

This book will make you ask the same question over and over again "Is it true?" before jumping to conclusion that someone born to be it or not. And I am so grateful with what Angela tried to tell us here.

We know something that Talent is something, and some might take a benefit from it. Not everyone had high IQ, not everyone had the ability to learn so fast. BUT, most of the time, we used to be distracted by the talent itself. We think that we can do it easily, so we give the least effort for it, or even STOP learning.

"Whenever you think you are good enough, whenever you satisfied with what you have now, whenever you think you already understand the whole thing (which you might not), that will be the time you will stop learning."

Next, I also learned something so special and just realized that I am currently being so busy with things that might not really matter for me. I am not focused enough, I am in this perspective that It's oke to be generalist, but somehow being this one would make me not that focus, and of course, everyone's time is limited, and me, somehow will waste this precious time that's not gonna be significant for my life.

So, yes, I will re-define my goals soon, and will share to you guys, because sharing the goal is an important process to make yourself accountable and will make you more responsible to focus in it before developing another goals. 

OK.

I was on this chapter 4, talking about "How gritty I am".

Angela already designed this test that can be used to measure our current perseverance and passion score. If we combined this, we somehow can get the average score, and see how grit we are compare to the xx% of the sample.

Here's the rule:

From the questions, just read it, dont overthinking it and ask yourself by comparing -not only your family, friends, or your environment- but also most of people.

Next, circle which one the best answer for each question. Calculate it and divide it into 10!

And here is my score!


Well, after doing some math here and there, I got the score on 4.1!

If you can see from the table below


You can conclude that I am 70% more gritty than most of population which I was thinking still not good enough :") It's still mediocre compare with the population tho. However, let's see this in broader perspective ya! 

Angela said, from the questions above, we somehow can break it into 2 parts. 1 is Passion and 2 is Perseverance. 

If you, somehow do the math for only the odds number, and divide with 5, you will get the passion score, and vice versa, the even numbers for the perseverance!

Let's do the math once again, and I just got my passion score only 3.4 (which is so small), while the perseverance is around 4.8 (almost perfect!). 

Ok. 

Got the idea right? I am currently not passion enough, because I have so much interests just like you know, that I am consider myself as Generalist and probably I am changing my focus oftenly. It doesnt mean we cant be generalist, but you need to assure it really does matter and of course PRIORITIZE! That's the only thing we can do right now, and try to somehow compelled, and connect each activities with your high level personal goals, which ones again, going to be defined soon.

Ok.

That's all from me, hopefully you can try it too and see where are yourself, now!

For more? just read the books, I am completely recommend it!

See you!

I choose not giving up, now :)


Confused.

The only word that can describe my feeling to my brother.

Basically, it's been a month since I didn't really care about what he's doing now. Simply because I felt to give-up for him. It's not that I don't want to help him anymore, but .... I just confused how. I have tried so many ways for encouraging him. At least to be more responsible person, for HIMSELF. You know, I didn't expect him to be that outstanding or outliers person, because I am afraid that what I want .... But, if he can be responsible, try to study more seriously, do not come home late, do not sleep like in the early morning (currently he sleeps on 3-4 AM now, which completely not normal). It's not that he's doing homework or something, like I used to do when I was on 6th Semester, but it's more likely he's just gaming back then or simply SCROLLING the fucking Instagram.

Dude.....

Be more responsible lah.

Lately, for the last 1 Month, I can't even reach him, or simply talk to him because our hour is completely different.

He's not there on 8-12 PM, cant be contacted, not even read my Direct Message on instagram and stuff. I don't know what he's doing and ..... Just like that, he will be home on 2/3/4 AM, like that's nearly morning right :(

Another thing, when I woke up, he's still sleeping, and just like that, it's almost 1 month we didn't have any deep convo.

I don't know what's wrong, is it me that boring as fuck? Or is it me that controlling his time so much? Not really, I completely support his activity IF he can manage his responsible first. I don't want he repeats his study over and over again, and not developing himself personally.

What makes me sad more ...... I already promise my sister that I will take care of him, because simply I just don't want to give him up, everyone deserves a second chance, right? Even I was a stupid student but with more effort, I somehow can manage to be smart ass. Giving so many example why and how, he gave you that "Listening" face, seems like he's thinking what he just did to us, to me and MY FATHER and all of persons that believe he can do it ...... But then, just like that, he keep doing shit over and over again. He didn't even think what he's doing wrong :( I mean, I decided to not leave in Bogor because I hope I can help him to change and tell him what to do but then, I felt like I am worthless and not giving anything.

Argh, I confused.

For the bottom of my heart, I don't want to give up, but I need a prove, I need a word that He wants to change himself, to be more useful, to be more cleaver, more diligent, or anything that can support him positively. Is it even possible? I really hope so.....

To my brother, If you read this, please know that:


Please don't give up for yourself, no matter it is, we will try to support you, However please keep in mind, not everyone has that energy to always support you, and don't make us give-up on you ya :)

Love always,
Your Brother

Rasa Syukur


Sore itu aku termenung
Balutan kopi dan kafein yang telah mengusir kantukku
Membuatku tak ingin lagi tertidur ataupun sekedar memejamkan mata

Perjalananku masih panjang
Masih beberapa jam lagi
"Apa lagi yang bisa kulakukan?"
Akupun saat ini tak ingin membaca jendela dunia itu
"Sedang malas", pungkasku

Aku masih termenung,
Mendongakkan wajahku ke Jendela
"Seindah ini yah panorama yang diberikan Tuhan"
Rasa bosan berganti senyuman
Hinggalah rasa syukur yang tertinggal
"Setidaknya aku masih bisa hidup, bernafas, dan bersyukur"
O Tuhan yang Agung

Bahagianya aku kala itu

Ditulis dalam perjalanan Bandung-Jakarta,
28 October 2018, 16:05
Saksi akan ke-esa-an dan ke-agungan Tuhan,
Sang Pencipta Alam

Foto Oleh: Keretaapikita, via phinemo.com

Review Book: Purpose


Hai!

So last week, I attend mba Alamanda's meet-up that will tell about what's in her book.

I know and adore her so much after she resigned from her Jobs (this was a booming tho), and after that, I was following her career & became so much fans after she created Binar Academy, and how it helped the socieities back then.

Everytime she posted something, I will definitely read about it because I am so curious with her. She is the one who always inspired me to do something more with the right purpose (not only pursuing for money and stuff). On several event, such as Proud project event, I saw her but once again, I felt not worthy enough.

So that's the beginning.



I follow her instagram, and felt inspired. Because in here, we are talking about an independent women, whos become engineer, inspiring, and always bring happiness around her. Do not forget about her artsy feed, this is somehow a perfect combination of a human, right?

Ok. not trying being weird, because I dont.

The first time I saw her snapgram about this event, I am directly signing up for this! Of course because she launched a book, and I am that bookworm-ish that so enjoy reading about someone's achievement and biography, and YES it is HER auto-biography, which is, she is the one who wrote it!

The next thing I saw, the event is about PURPOSE. You know, something that I have stuggling with, because currently I don't know why I live. I didn't see clear purpose even tho I already read about bunch of books that talked about this. Purpose, goals, visions, different name, same definition, but somehow nothing really moved me.

"Ok, maybe this is the answer!" I said.

Yet, the same question has been asked by my brother. So ...... I invite him (not really asked him tho, but signed him up for this, sort of force him to attend this, Lol). Yeah, he is confused about his life, not really have any passion in his life. So .... maybe this is also become his answer, right? He might hate listened to me all the time, maybe he needs a new figure?

Registered!

On the D-day. I came. See her directly, tell her stories, what's in it, AND of course I bought it! I bought the books, and I am sold to read it soon!

Not gonna spoiler things up.

I am just so surprised that it felt so good. This book is really really good. I am not lying. Everything is straight forward, there would be no long explanation, but somehow I can relate that. In this book, you will get anything about her family, how she lived, how she became the entrepreneur for her first enterprise. I often judged her being like that because of her previledge, but no, it's also about her being struggling and give the best effort to achieve it. Also ..... Next thing you will get story about Nadiem Makarim, which is also my favorite innovators, and got it from another POV, which is the closest one with him.

Ok .... I am so moved and also jealous, even asking myself what have I done so far in my life? What have I done on campus? Why don't I think like this? Start my own company, meet with outstanding people, get the mentor, and stuff. Aside from it, I am currently asking my self the Why instead of What (I want to be).

Just like what she said on the event, more or less.

"I do want to be Minister of Education, that's why I founded Binar Academy, because I care about the Human development, and education system itself. But that's just the What. Let us stop for a minute, think about the Why we want to be that, and enjoy the process?! And that is the why. Even if I didn't become Minister of Education, I already did the why, right?!"

Yas, Purpose is a book about the process. It has inspired me to embrace and enjoy all of the process that happened in my life. Personally, I recommend you guys to read it! For me .... It's 10/10!



PS. This a new record for me, to finished the books like .... only less than 3 hours. I want to stop, but no, my body wanted me to read and finished it soon, and takes whatever lesson learned on that books!

Overthinking dan perlambatan pergerakan


Hai!

Sebagai manusia, kalian pasti pernah berada di titik, kalian terlalu banyak berfikir sebelum melakukan sesuatu. Entah itu dalam hal pengambilan keputusan, presentasi, berkomunikasi, hingga bersosialisasi.

"Nanti kalau aku ngelakukan ini, hasilnya gimana ya, bisa jelek dong!"

"Nanti kalau aku ngomong ini, dia sakit hati ga ya"

"Duh, anjir, chat gue salah ga ya, kok dia ga balas-balas? Apa dia marah?"

And the list can go on! Banyak banget si manusia pemikir ini fikirkan. Mungkin karena aku masuk ke bagian Melankolis atau si pemikir kali ya .... Hehe.

----------------

www.203challenges.com

Emang ada yang salah dari berfikir?

Tentu saja tidak! Berfikir itu salah satu anugerah dari Tuhan loh, jadinya ga ada masalah sebenarnya. Tapi, emang rumus ini selalu benar, sesuatu yang berlebihan belum tentu ngasih yang terbaik. Memikirkan cara presentasi yang efektif, itu jelas baik. Namun, berfikir sampai apakah yang kamu siapkan sudah benar, atau melebihi ekspektasi orang, atau bagaimana tanggapan mereka jelas ngga worth your time! Kenapa? Itu sesuatu hal yang diluar kontrol kamu, ngapain fokus kesana? Yang benar, coba perhatikan Business Questionnya, udah bisa menjawab atau belum, dan sudah cukupkah analisis yang diperlukan, itu yang benar.

Berfikir dalam konteks belajar misalnya. "Duh, apaan nih dosen, kagak ada jelas-jelasnya nerangin materi." atau .... "Duh, ini buku kagak lengkap banget, gimana dong gue harus belajar? Materinya beda!" atau .... "Presentasi nanti gue akan dibantai ga ya? Dude, deg-deg-an banget, bikin ga fokus!". Hal ini tentu saja tidak pernah benar. Lagi-lagi hal-hal diatas diluar kuasa kamu, jadi? Yah mau gamau effort belajarnya dinaikin lah! Kalau 1 sumber buku ga mencukupi, cari yang lain, google kan banyak, atau .... Kalau lo gamau dibantai, yah coba pastikan lagi dek itu materi udah sesuai sama arahan dosen/ asistennya belum? Kalau udah yah tinggal disiapin materi detail yang ngga lo presentasiin tapi buat jaga-jaga lo siapin, atau paling ngga lo bisa siapin materi yang sangat efektif lah. Inget, Power Point, bukan Power Paragraph :p

Konteks menulis. Berfikir materi apa yang akan lo ceritakan dalam artikel lo, itu jelas penting. At least, do your research well lah. Apa yang lo akan ceritakan harus unik, ga plagiat, atau disertai dengan sumber-sumber terpercaya yang mumpuni. This is writer done well. Yang salah itu ..... tulisan yang lo udah buat, ga jadi lo publish karena lo malu/ takut/ khawatir tulisan lo akan jelek, diejekin orang, ga sesuai ekspektasi, kurang sempurna, belum comprehensive, dan sebagainya. Aku punya satu teman yang ga jadi mencoba nge-blog hanya karena takut tulisannya jelek, not good enough, etc. Ini yang gaboleh. You need to embrace all of the process, yang tadinya not good enough bisa jadi the best karena dalam prosesnya dia akan belajar "Oh, yang ini benar, yang itu ga-benar. Yang ini bagus, yang itu ga-bagus. Yang ini menarik, yang itu nggak."

Terakhir, gue mau berbagi pengalaman kerja.

Ada 1 waktu, dimana gue sedang provide dahsboard & Reporting terkait efektifitas campaign bisnis yang sedang dijalankan project-nya. Setelah beberapa hari ga-kelar-kelar karena ini the least priority yang dapat selain request adhoc analytics guna membantu orang bisnis dalam mengambil keputusan. Gue ngelakuin sekitar beberapa jam gitu ya karena building logicnya udah dicicil sejak beberapa hari lalu, jadi tinggal lanjutin aja.

Semuanya udah kelar, dari monitoring set-up hingga hasil yang disesuaikan dengan metric & KPI untuk tiap proses.

Masalahnya, bos gue lagi cuti, dan gue harus nge-deliverin sesuatu dong di hari itu. Gw discuss sama temen gue, katanya head gue lagi sibuk (emang ini lagi end of Q3), jadi doi focus untuk budgeting yang super complex. Sometime, He can be genuine and harsh lah kalo udah sibuk. Baik. Gue disaranin pake e-mail aja sama temen gue wkwk. After several words, gue somehow stuck dan males buat jelasin tuh chart 1 1 di dashboard. Belum lagi ...... mungkin bisa ga dibaca karena head gue ini focus banget orangnya.

Tara, gue langsung aja dong datangin ke mejanya. Bodo amat kalo ditolak, at least gue coba approach ...... Diterima! Kita buat fruitful discussion, gue dapat ide secara bisnis processnya dari dia, ya emang dia ngucapinnya sembari mumbling sih, tapi make sense dan gue take notes di otak gue. Dia pun oke dengan format yang udah gw buat, dengan sedikit revisi dan beberapa tambahan slicer.

Well received with thanks. Hal yang gue pikirin aneh-aneh ga terjadi ...... Dan gue akhirnya nge-deliver target gue hari itu. Hoho. Just do it already, don't be overthinking, and face it like a man!